I have been greatly lifted up in the past few days by God. Since my weekend debacle and the harsh feelings of disappointment that followed, I was worried about others in my life. I was worried about those who look up to me and how they would look at me after hearing about my weekend of mistakes. For a few moments, I debated with myself over whether or not I would share that I had screwed up and that I had failed to the point of falling asleep and staying the night with my ex who I had originally been so happy to no longer be in a relationship with.
I told everyone of my joy with my project and my year of God. I was honestly so happy about the changes happening in my life. How could others believe I was being serious and wanted to take this year off if even I couldn't believe I had made such a stupid mistake and had fallen so far?
I was worried about the judgements of others, but I soon realized I shouldn't have been. I was sent words of encouragement, bible verses, and nothing but words of love.
The people I had been sharing this with were all God serving individuals. They knew the value of what I wanted to do. They knew how easily it was to fall into sin as I had. They knew the feelings, pains, and torments found in our hearts when we allow sin in.
These words from these people indicated to me that I was doing something right. I had started to put the right people in my life. The right people who loved God like me.
I am really excited to return to school this coming May. I want to strengthen these friendships. I want to get involved in Christian activities on campus. I will openly admit here that I allowed Catholic prejudice to keep me from my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. By closing myself off from them, I was hurting only myself and then came the feelings of loneliness. My friends don't get it. But the few I have shared this do and they understand more of what is happening in life than even some of my closest friends. So Newman Center and DRL, here I come! We are all one family under God. Protestant or Catholic, we both love God.
I am embarrassed of my proud Catholic sentiments and I know it is something I need to work on. I want to show others that Catholics aren't like we are perceived. I want so badly to change people's views and I think this is a solid first step. I need to be surrounded by people who lift me up and look to God's Kingdom versus this world. On my campus, I give DRL major credit. I haven't been to any of their events and it's my biggest regret of my Freshman year. They all seem amazing and show that college students really know what God wants from us. It shows that our youth means nothing and we can still give to the world. I can only imagine the friendships I missed out on. I was so proud and stupid! No more!
So this post is dedicated to all of you who helped me when I needed it most. Who gave me that feeling that I was better than my sin. Who helped me see that our screw-ups don't define us, but we are defined as children of God who were saved when He made the ultimate sacrifice. I have seen lately what a few godly friendships can do and I want more. I want to be surrounded by other Christians. I want all of my bridesmaids one day to be the girls that helped me keep my eye on Christ. I want friendships that not only lift me up, but lift me up to Him. Thanks to all of you who have been doing that. I truly appreciate it.
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