Phil Robertson and Why Sin Is Illogical

“When you got what you wanted, were you happy? Do you remember when you were a child, how ardently you looked forward to Christmas? How happy you thought you would be, with your fill of cakes, your hands glutted with toys, and your eyes dancing with the lights on the tree! Christmas came, and after you had eaten your fill, blown out the last Christmas candle, and played till your toys no longer amused, you climbed into your bed and said, in your own little heart of hearts, that somehow or other it did not quite come up to your expectations. And have you not lived that experience over a thousand times since?" - Venerable Archbishop Fulton Sheen (You)

Just a note: I am in no way siding with either Mr. Robertson or A&E on their decision to suspend him from their show based on his comments. To be honest, I don't think I could possibly care any less about a show that involves duck hunting and camo. I'm a Chicago suburbanite vegan with a propensity to shun any article of clothing that is green because she feels it makes her skin look sallow.

 

So unless you you haven't left your house or been on the internet in the past few days, Duck Dynasty's Phil Robertson was interviewed in GQ and talked particularly about his thoughts on same sex attraction (it's a bit graphic, so I apologize):

“It seems like, to me, a vagina—as a man—would be more desirable than a man’s anus. That’s just me. I’m just thinking: There’s more there! She’s got more to offer. I mean, come on, dudes! You know what I’m saying? But hey, sin: It’s not logical, my man. It’s just not logical.”

And he's right. Sin's not logical. An attraction to another person isn't always logical. How often do we see a woman stay with a man who is abusing her? How often do we see a man stay with a woman who he knows doesn't love him, but is using him for his money? Why did I stay so long with a guy who clearly didn't love me, who I knew I would never end up with, and who I knew would never change?

Because attraction isn't logical. It just isn't. Attraction is a bunch of feelings you can't control. Your actions are what define you, not your attractions.

So let's get deeper into that with sin. When I was originally thinking about this, I thought that we were attracted to sin. That doesn't make sense though. We are all made in the likeness and image of our Heavenly Father who is love and goodness. Why would we, creations of goodness, be attracted to sin? Then it hit me. It's not an attraction to sin. It's an attraction to what we think sin will bring us. We are attracted to the good of this world, but sin clouds our thinking on how to GET that good.

Think about it. Think about every single sin and the reason behind it. Let me tackle a few:

Sins: Homosexual behavior and premarital sex (you bet I just put them together)

Reason people engage in it: They either want love and connection with another human being (regardless of which gender). They think that sex can lock someone down to be theirs forever. They don't want to be alone. They want pleasure. 

What can truly give that: A relationship with God. When you have a strong relationship with God, you don't need anyone else to be that be-all in your life. You don't need to give away your body for love. You don't need to have that pleasure to satisfy you. 

Sin: Lying and cheating

Reason people engage in it: Lying gets you things if you do it correctly. It can get you more money. It can make you look better. It can make others who have harmed you jealous of you. Lying can get you acceptance by others.

What can truly give that: God may not give you all you want, but He gives you all you need and He gives you a great appreciation for it. God gives you the peace of knowing it doesn't matter what your job is, how many 0s are on your paycheck, how you look, or what others think of you. That freedom is so much better than anything lying could have given you.

Sin: Gossiping

Reason people engage in it: For me, it is a matter of fitting in. Everyone seems to know everything about everyone else's lives and to fit in, you should too. Gossiping also makes you feel better by putting others down (it's really a catty version of bullying). "Well I may not have gotten the role I wanted, but she only did because she has been sucking up to the director and flirting with the manager for months now."

What can truly give that: A better and more godly group of friends and the confidence of knowing you are an amazing child of God and He has AMAZING plans for you whether or not they fit yours.

I am glad I read this article because it really made me think about sin in a new way. Now this was, of course, me just looking at some sins on the surface level, but it really does make sense. That's what makes sin so illogical. Why sin when choosing to NOT sin gets you either exactly what you wanted (the good) or MUCH MUCH MUCH BETTER?! Because we live in a world that tells us these things will get us that good. This world tells us that you will be so happy having sex before you're married. You will totally get that job, but you're going to need to cheat or lie or sleep your way up the ladder to get it. You will have a great group of friends, but you need to go out and get smashed with them each weekend to be a part of the group and if you talk about everyone else's mistakes (which are all so HAHAHAHAHA HILARIOUS BECAUSE SHE SLEPT WITH HIM AND PEED THE BED AND HAD TO WALK OF SHAME HOME WITHOUT HER UNDERWEAR OMG SOOOOO FUNNY), even better.

Those are all lies. The promises that are made to us by the world and the Evil One are empty. Sex won't make him love you. Lying won't make you feel good. Gossiping won't make the others girls want you to be their friend. God is the way, the truth, and the life. He is the way to goodness. He is the truth about getting there. He is the life that made it all possible. The goodness and joy we all want is that which is found only in the heart of God and to get to His heart, we must avoid sin and live out our lives in His way.

It's pretty illogical to find any other way to it.

The Difference Between Sisters IN Christ and Sisters THROUGH Christ

 "Do not be led astray: Bad company corrupts good morals.”
- 1 Corinthians 15:33

So recently I have really started coming back to Christ and the Church which is, let's be honest, far later than it should have been. I hadn't been to my Newman Center all semester and I gave a whole bunch of excuses which were all mostly just that; excuses. Nearing the end of the semester, I took a step back and looked at the relationships I held above God. I looked at the people who I was willing to do anything for. It broke my heart when I realized they wouldn't do the same thing for me and they weren't the friends I needed. These girls didn't encourage me to be a woman of God. They encouraged a lifestyle that I wasn't proud to be a part of. I started to be more like these women and it finally came to a point where I hated myself and who I let myself become.

It was then that I decided I needed to change my friend group and the people I associated with. I needed to stop focusing on the men in my life and start focusing on the woman I was and the woman I wanted to be first. If I wanted a godly man, I need to become the kind of woman he wants. You are who you hang out with, so I realized changes needed to be made and I needed more godly women in my life. 

I encourage all my sisters to look at their friendships and reevaluate who they are letting be their closest gal pals. There is a big difference in which type of friend each girl or woman can be to you.

Sisters through Christ are your sisters because they share God as their father.
Sisters in Christ are your sisters because they share your love of the Lord and strive to live His commandments.
My non-religious friends didn't really get the whole purity thing. They don't understands virtuous living. They didn't encourage me to read the bible, but instead encouraged alcohol and parties and "$%@# HIM" screams as we head into a party filled with drunken guys and girls giving them what they wanted. My true sisters (in Christ obvi) wouldn't do that. They know struggles of followers of Christ and they understand the type of person I am trying to be. They understand my aspirations to be more Mary and less Miley (if ya get my drift). They have those same aspirations and encourage the best for me and my soul.

Sisters through Christ gossip and put-downs.
Sisters in Christ speak kindness and truth and love.
Gossiping about others was a pastime and I relished in it. The things I have said about women disgusts me to think about and I am embarrassed and horrified for what I said. The things that others and friends said about me to my face (and behind) were equally as terrible. My godly sisters have never made me feel even a quarter as terrible which all comes down to the next difference...

Sisters through Christ hold grudges and get catty.
Sisters in Christ practice forgiveness and support.
I can't even explain the feeling I had when I walked into the Newman Center after months of being away and barely knowing anyone and I started talking with three girls easily. A friend walked up and hugged and everyone was just so excited I was there. It didn't matter that I had been gone. It didn't matter that I didn't go on the retreat. It didn't matter that I had been a pretty awful member of the Newman community. None of that mattered. I was back (prodigal daughter style y'all) and forgiven without even asking. As I said my goodbyes, I was laughing along with girls about being new best friends and I meant it. Godly friends imitate the forgiveness and mercy of the Lord. I know even those who don't know me that well would be there for me in a heartbeat when there are girls I am with regularly who I couldn't say that for. They would support me in anything that is good for me. There are some other friends I have who I still feel like I am making up to for mistakes made two years ago who I know I will never be able to say that for.

Sisters through Christ don't have true joy.
Sisters in Christ are the happiest people.
I'm sorry, but if you don't know God, you don't know true joy. You just don't. Just knowing Him isn't enough either. You have to love Him and know He has things totally taken care of and covered. True joy is found in those who have Him in their hearts. It's knowing that this isn't our home. It's knowing that God loved you so much and thinks you are so amazing and beautiful and worthy that He forgives your sins. It's knowing that freedom is found in Him. Joy is peace of the heart. Walking into Newman just OOZES in that joy. The people who don't have them don't know that joy and it makes me sad seeing it. When my eyes aren't fixed on the cross, I feel that empty happiness.

Sisters through Christ are only there for you when others are watching or when it's easy.
Sisters in Christ are praying for you constantly.
My transplant made it abundantly clear which people I should make room for in my life. When talking to the greatest Sister Clara at Newman, I started crying about girls I put on such a pedastal in my life who couldn't even send a Facebook message to me in the hospital. She took my hand and said, "you know, we were here the whole time praying so hard for you." It really hit me. THESE were my girls. The ones who entrusted my life to God and counted on Him. That's so amazing. There is nothing I wanted more in the hospital than that. Girls I barely knew were praying for me when girls I had gotten closer with couldn't find the time to send me a quick "Hope you're doing all right!" They didn't need someone to see they were reaching out. They weren't there for me because I lived close by. They were there for me from 140 miles away and when others weren't watching. Amazing. Simply amazing.

Sisters through Christ don't know the saints.
Sisters in Christ (ok, this is probably only the Catholic ones) will COMPLETELY GO LIKE ONE DIRECTION FANGIRL CRAZY OVER MAMA MARY AND HOW AWESOME SHE IS AND BLESSED JPII IS BECOMING A SAINT AND OMG DO NOT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON MY GIRL FRIEND CHIARA.
I mean...it's just nice to have friends who get how AMAZING it is you get to CONSECRATE JPII in the middle of CORNFIELD, ILLINOIS and this is like ONE BIG FREAKING DEAL HOLY FUDGE.


So all in all, pick your friends wisely. It's something I am definitely starting to work on over break. I know we are all prone to mistakes and I am the first to admit I have been an ungodly sister in all the above ways listed, but looking at those who have been pretty awful friends to me has made me think about all the ways I have been a bad friend too. It's something I hope to change. Until then, I have started to find my new group of sisters and let me tell you, they are all REALLY obsessed with Blessed Chiara.

And to those girls who I talked to at Newman last week, know that by just being yourselves, you have really helped me get ridiculously excited for next semester. God was shining through all of you just when I needed to see Him.

"A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter, she who finds one finds treasure." - Sirach 6:14

Better

"You'll never change you life until you change your choices"

I realize I have been absent for quite a long time.

I have no excuse. The dating fast has ended. I have failed miserably as I am currently dating my ex.

I have stumbled too many times to count. I have fallen and struggled to get up.

I have watched as who I was changed into who I am now sitting at this computer.

It's taken me awhile to get to this point, but I don't like her. This new me.

She was supposed to be new and improved by now. She was supposed to have everything figured out. She was supposed to have the greatest relationship with God possible. She was supposed to have things under control. She was supposed to know she is.

That's not me.

But I am figuring it out.

College is a great time, but it's also the time for you to make a big decision not necessarily who you are, but who you want to be. That is where my greatest struggled lies. Outside of the confines of my comfy home with my comfy youth group and my comfy support system of great sisters of Christ and my comfy free time to read the Bible or BadCatholic or go to adoration, it isn't comfy being a Catholic in college. It's just not. It is really rough. Life slaps you in the face. A lot.

Upon returning to school, I stumbled quickly. I was used to everyone in the hospital and at home relying on me to have my faith and being encouraged by my faith. At school, I don't have that comfort anymore. I can't talk about my opposition to gay marriage or abortion openly. I can't easily grab someone to have a bible reading party on a Saturday night. I love my friends, don't get me wrong, but that kind of stuff just isn't their cup of tea.

But I lost a lot of my faith. At first, I missed one mass. One mass became two, then three. Confession became less frequent, those the sins seemed worse. I fell again and again and again until finally I gave up on getting back up again. It was the lowest I think I have ever been. I'm still trying to climb up and out of the darkness. But I see the light and that's the first time I can say that in a long time.

I was reading an article about exercising and, oddly enough, that's the click I needed. I thought about becoming a mom and the responsibility I would have with my kids. Now, I have definitely thought about parenting my kids and how I would do it. But I never really gave a thought to the silent parenting I would be doing. Who a parent is, how he/she acts, and the choices he/she makes influences kids more than encouraging music from a young age. This article talked about how exercising should be viewed as a way to meet people and to be able to do things. I want to be fit so I can run around and do things with my children.

That same desire quickly transferred to my faith.

I thought about my kids and who I would want them to one day be. What I wanted them to believe. The stories of their mom they were going to hear. Do they pray every night? Morning? Every meal? Do they know how to pray a rosary? Do they come to adoration with me? Is bringing them to mass and CCD like pulling teeth? Do they have a faith and hope in God that will strengthen them in all situations? If something happened to me, would they know I am going to be ok? Would my kids ever fear for my soul in such a situation? Would I fear for THEIR souls if they were in such a situation?

And the answer was very clear. The person I want to mother my children is not the young woman I am right now. I can do and be better. God knows who I am and I am a daughter of Christ, beautifully and fearfully and wonderfully made. He knows my heart. He knows my future. Who I am now must be let go. I must decrease and He must increase. I need to let Him take over again.

I read a quote (and I have been trying to find it and simply can't...grrrr) that spoke tons to me. It was basically saying you shouldn't worry about being anyone else, but only being better than the person you were yesterday. I keep writing "Better" on my hand to remind to be a better version of yesterday's Colleen. Better to others. Better to myself. Better to God. Just better. Above all, I need to remember to love everything and everyone in my life better and to give it better love. It's my new mantra and I know I am finally back on the path I need to be on. I am on my way.

God knows my better self. He knows. I want to know her too.

Prayers are appreciated and goodness knows how needed they are. Thanks loves.